Traces of Cuba

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about Cuba.  In the quiet moments of my days the flood of emotions I experienced there still creeps back into my mind.  I have wanted to write a follow up post about my trip but I am still grasping for the right words to explain my feelings.

How does one really explain the feeling of sadness AND the feeling of joy that have taken a hold of my heart?  There is an emptiness and fullness that remain. 

The rain that beats here on my window is the same rain that washes the streets of Havana but never have I been to and from a place and really feel like I travelled in time or perhaps even another planet.  I wish I could video chat with my brothers and sisters in Cuba and see their shining bright faces.  I wish I could smell the heavy scent of rice and beans wafting through the halls of the Methodist center.  I long for the shouts and laughter of the Cuban children in streets. 

The sting of the emotional shockwave that hit me in that place has not yet slipped through my fingers.  My mind still swirls with the echoes and sights of Cuba.  Even now writing these few words, the faces of my church family and blood family trace through my mind and it is overwhelming.

Elio and Ibel

Omar

I think about these boys every day.  All three of them are 11 years old.  They have the best manners, they work hard, the make good grades in school.  If I had the means to I would adopt them all.  I hope to see them again the next time I go back.  See how much they have grown and hope that the stress of their lives their has not stolen the sparkle in their eyes.

It's a amazing how large the human heart must be.  I am certain that I left a piece of mine with each person I met in Cuba and I desire to go back and leave some more.

Oh Lord, Continue to Break My Heart

I am back from Cuba and I wanted to first Share with you the blog entry I posted to my church website while we were in Cuba.  If you would like to read more about our time there we kept a great daily account of our experience. http://hydeparkumc.typepad.com/

July 10th, 2011

Where do I start when talking about our time here in Havana?  I have been blessed in so many ways by so many people.    I have so many things I want to talk about and share but yesterday, in particular, was an especially emotional day.  It’s sort of funny, because I started the morning saying to one of our team members how well I had been able to keep it together and that I had expected to be more of an emotional basket case.  I should have known better, not much time passed before I was beyond emotional!

I went on my first shopping trip in Cuba to look for some supplies for the children’s activities we were planning.  We were looking for paint we could use for face paint and the Pastor’s wife (la Pastora) walked my mother and I around to some local stores to find some.  I had heard that shopping for anything was difficult and that you often had to go to many stores before you could find what you were looking for.  Indeed, we had to go to more than 7 stores to find something we could use for face paint.  The stores have lots of shelves, but they are empty.  As for art supplies, they may have only a couple color options and then another store may have something different, or absolutely nothing on the shelves at all in that department.

The Pastora took me into a toy store.  As we walked in off the bustling street, the first thing I noticed was that the store was void of people.  We were in a toy store with no children and the prices of the toys were astronomical.  The Pastora began to explain that many children do not have toys since many of them cost more than their parent’s monthly salaries.  As we were on our way out a small boy came in off the street, he ran up to a small plastic airplane and pointed at it.  With a big smile on his face he looked up at us and said “That’s the one I want, and I hope to have it one day.”  The Pastora replied asking him “How much does your father make?” and the boy told her an amount in pesos that is the equivalent of $10 US dollars a month.  I looked back at the  plane and the price was marked at the equivalent of $24 US dollars.  I walked out the door of the store, and I could no longer contain my emotion.  I began to weep in the middle of the street.  I could not help but think of how inexpensive that toy plane would be back in the US.  I could not help but think of how easy it is to go run an errand to buy something simple like craft paint.  I could not help but think of my home, full of things, and that I have spent my entire life wanting for nothing. 

When we got back to the church it was time for lunch and I shared with a team mate what had happened at the toy store.  She shared another story about a boy who was helping us paint at the church.  He had fallen into some paint and when our team tried to take off his shoe to clean it he didn’t want to because he was embarrassed by the holes in his socks.  This story, too, made me cry.  After we finished our meal we left the dining room and went on with our work.  The boys from the baseball team that were helping us were called to eat their lunch.  When I walked by the dining room the boys were being given a bread roll.  It was at that moment that God had completely broken my heart.

I found a quiet spot in the back pew of the sanctuary and I wept.  I don’t know what it feels like to go hungry.  I don’t know what it’s like to not have new clothes, or good shoes.  But here I was surrounded by so many who feel these things on a daily basis.

After speaking with the pastor and his wife about what I had been experiencing that day they told me that they are used to this way of life.  That they understand it is difficult for us to come and see how they live but that it’s just how it is.  Yes, they do have a list of things they need, and they pray about them often, but it is their faith in God and the way of the Lord that gives them life.  When they put their lives in the hands of the Lord, he always provides for them.  It is so powerful to see this kind of faith in action here in Havana.

Witnessing people living in a communist government is hard.  It really makes me appreciate the freedom we have in the US.  Here people are not free to choose their jobs, or to travel wherever they wish to go.  They cannot express their political frustrations with their neighbors.  It is in the church, though, where they are free to express themselves however they feel.  They can give glory to God in whatever way they want.  They can sing, dance, and raise their hands, and there is no one who can tell them not to.  With God, they have freedom of expression and it is within the walls of their sanctuary that they are free to let go.

Every day we are greeted by the boys of the baseball team and the other children of the church with kisses, hugs and big smiles.  I am grateful that God has chosen to break my heart here.  It has taught me so much about living in faith and to be grateful for the many blessings He has constantly given me throughout my life.  I hope He continues to break my heart again and again so that I may grow closer to God on this spiritual journey.

The Things We Carry

In High School I read a book entitled "The Things They Carried" and it is a great book.  It is a story of soldiers at war and the book uses the things they have to carry as a metaphor for many things they go through in battle and in their pasts.  I have begun packing for Cuba and it is quite an interesting suitcase that I will carry.  

Here it is.  This enormous and ominous bag of things.  Necessary and unnecessary.  

Maybe a third of this bag contains my personal items.  The rest are items to bring to family members and to share with the people at the church.  In this bag I have packed: towels, sheets, work clothes, sneakers, antibiotics, toys for children, candy, boxes of macaroni and cheese, lots of soap, baseball stuff, a huge first aid kit, paint rollers, paint brushes, hangers, sandpaper, tooth brushes, a blood pressure monitor, books and since there is more space I am sure we will be cramming much more.

Sounds totally random right?  Well it is, in fact, totally random.  My items I planned quite carefully to make sure I bring only what I need and that it is the lightest weight stuff possible.  The medicine, first aid and blood pressure monitor have specific people in mind and purposes.  But everything else is kind of the story here.

Macaroni and cheese?  Well the people are starving in Cuba and when you hear their stories, a majority revolve around food.  The macaroni and cheese is high in calories and fat and for them it is an extra special treat.  Quality soap is hard to come by so we bring lots of it.  And I am sure you can imagine toys and books are sparce.  They have so little of so many things... THINGS THAT I TAKE FOR GRANTED EVERY SINGLE DAY... That anything that we have that we can take that is durable and in good shape is like giving a new and treasured gift for the recipient in Cuba.

I am getting to the point where I think about this experience and what its going to be like and I become extremely emotional.  It's hard for me to contain my excitement, fear, sadness, and overall emotion for what it will be like to see this country I have heard stories of my whole life.  This seemingly mythical island that has rooted itself so deeply in my family.  My arrival will be a symbolic homecoming for my family and to finally meet all those who I know only through pictures will be a very precious moment.

Exactly one week from this minute, we will be packing the cars with the things we will be carrying and embarking on this great adventure.

I am going on a Journey

On July 1st, I am embarking on a great adventure! I will be going to Cuba to do mission work in Havana with a team through my Church, Hyde Park United Methodist and UMVIM (United Methodist Volunteers in Mission).

This will be a deeply rooted journey for me as I have spent my whole life hearing stories of the lives my grandparents once had in Cuba, before the Revolution.  Growing up we always sent our hand-me-downs and photos to our relatives who still live there.  I still sift through the hundreds of photos at my Abuela's house, that have captured the beautiful and glamorous life my family had while they were there.

My Abuela Isabel Muller, age 20 at the President's wife's ball

This is one of my favorites!

 My Abuelo's Wedding

 My Abuela and Abuelo Isabel and Elio 

On their Honeymoon

Isabel at 18 when she was at the teachers academy

That's my dad in the front, shooting his gun at the camera.

These are just a few photos...

I will be meeting lots of family for the first time and I know it will be very emotional for me.

Aside from my family there, I hope to experience a profound spiritual connection working with the Methodist church to help restore a part of the Seminary in Havana and experience how God is moving through the people there.  Most of all, I am really excited that I will be sharing this entire experience with my mother who is leading the trip.  She is an amazing person and I am so proud of her.

She is American by birth, but now just as Cuban as the rest of our relatives!

Our team will be blogging about or time there through the church blog.  And this past Sunday we had the pleasure of having the Cuban Bishop give the Sermon at our church.

If you would like to read the Hyde Park UMC Blog, go HERE

And if you would like to hear the Bishop's Sermon go HERE

(9:30 service June 5th)

I will be giving more updates about this trip as we get closer and when I return I hope to have tons of pictures and excerpts from my journal to share with you!